`Woody Allen Quotes`
Annie Hall
"The food at this place is really terrible". And the other one says: "Yeah, I know. And such small portions."
I don't wanna live in a city where the only cultural advantage is that you can make a right turn on a red light.
[...] I interestingly dated a woman in the Eisenhover administration, briefly, and it was ironic to me because I was
trying to do to her what Eisenhover has been doing to the country for the last [?] years.
I feel that life is divided into the horrible and the miserable. That's the two categories. The horrible be like, I don't
know, terminal cases, you know, and blind people, crippled. I don't know how they get through life. It's amazing to
me. And the miserable is everyone else. So you should be thankful that you're miserable, because that's very lucky,
to be miserable.
I was thrown out of there during my freshman year, for cheating on my metaphysics final. You know, I looked within
the soul of the boy sitting next to me.
Hey, don't knock masturbation. It's sex with someone I love.
Alvy: You look like a really happy couple? Are you?
Woman: Yeah.
Alvy: Yeah? So how to you count for it?
Woman: I am very shallow and empty, and I have no ideas and nothing interesting to say.
Man: And I'm exactly the same way.
Alvy: I see. That's very interesting. So you managed to work out something?
Man: Right!
In Beverly Hills... they don't throw their garbage away. They make it into television shows.
That was the most fun I've ever had without laughing.
Annie: You know I just like to smoke a little something before sex, it helps me relax
Alvy: How about I give you some Sodium Pentathol and can sleep through the whole thing.
Manhattan
I could tell by the sound of your voice over the phone. Very authoritative you know, like the Pope or the computer in
2001.
Hannah and Her Sisters
How the hell do I know why there were Nazis? I don't know how the can opener works!
If Jesus Christ came back today and saw what was being done in his name, he'd never stop
throwing up.
Husbands and Wives
You use sex to express every emotion except love
I thought your line was great about, uh, "life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television." I mean, it's completely true.
Shadows and Fog
I know exactly what I think about all this, but I can never find words to put it in. Maybe if I get a little drunk I could
dance it for you.
Bananas
Doctor to Miles: And if they capture you, you don't know anything. They could torture you for hours and what
could you tell them?
Miles: Only my name, rank, and your names.
Play It Again, Sam
Diane: My God. Can't you cook anything but that TV dinner?
Woody: Who bothers to cook them? I suck them frozen.
`What are you planning on doing Saturday night?`
`Committing suicide!`
`Well... how about Friday night?`
Take the Money and Run
But she was so sweet and we just walked in the park and I was so touched by her that, after fifteen minutes, I
wanted to marry her and, after half an hour, I completely gave up the idea of snatching her purse.
Love and Death
My room at midnight?
All right. Will you be there too?
Sonja: To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering one must not love, but then one suffers from not loving. Therefore, to
love is to suffer, not to love is to suffer, to suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love, to be happy then is to suffer but
suffering makes one unhappy, therefore to be unhappy one must love or love to suffer or suffer from too much
happiness. I hope you're getting this down...
Crimes and Misdemeanors
The last time I was inside a woman was when I went to the Statue of Liberty
There are two types of people in this world, good and bad. The good sleep better, but the bad seem to enjoy the
waking hours much more.
